


Choose Love

by FebruaryFlowerss



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Getting Back Together, Love, Meant To Be, Reunion Sex, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:47:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29790759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FebruaryFlowerss/pseuds/FebruaryFlowerss
Summary: How long could Mark wait until he finally gets back that one piece that is missing in his "everything I always wanted" picture? Especially now, when he's sure that she wants him back too...
Relationships: Lexie Grey/Mark Sloan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Starting after 8x22 and Lexie's confession... There's no plane crash simply because that freaking plane came straight from hell and does not exist in my mind... And also in this fic, the boards didn't happen yet.
> 
> I'm not a native English speaker, so my grammar and spelling may not always be correct, but I try my best...
> 
> Disclaimer - All characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners.

For a couple of minutes, that felt more like years, she just stood there and watched him walking away. Julia put her arm around his waist and pulled him closer. And at that moment… but Lexie was pretty sure she just imagined it, Mark's head turned over his shoulder, and he glanced at her again. His look was soft and longing and it lasted only for a second. And she didn't know if it was even real. But it was the only thing that she had to hold on to.

Still processing what had just happened, Lexie sat down on the bench in front of the hospital and deeply inhaled. She felt the scent of rain, fresh and sharp, entering her nostrils. But not strong enough to clear her head. Thousands and thousands of thoughts were running through it. With her extremely fast heart rate, sweat that was forming on her palms, dizziness that she was feeling, she thought she was about to faint.

After months and months of pining after him, of getting jealousy attacks every time she sees his perfect girlfriend, of awkward elevator rides, of regretting how things ended between them, and of wanting to be part of his little family more than anything, she finally confessed to Mark Sloan that she still loves him.

 _If you're not over him, you should tell him._ His words.

Lexie wondered if he's regretting telling her that now. But she listened to his advice. He encouraged her to tell him everything. Of course, he didn't know that he was the one she couldn't get over. Not Jackson. There wasn't any uncertainty about that. Not anymore.

It took all of her inner strength to stop herself from crying. She couldn't do that right there. Somebody could see her and the last thing she needed was sympathy from other people. Crying will have to wait until she gets home, lock herself in the well-known attic away from everyone and just lay under the covers. Hopefully good session of crying would make her feel a little better. Functional for work, at least.

Not that she wanted to cry, but she just knew it's going to happen. Her head fell down in her palms. She rubbed her face for a few seconds, feeling how hot it was. She was literally burning. For the last 15 minutes, since the moment she saw him standing outside the hospital, her heart has been thumping like crazy and it got even worse when she started babbling all of her feelings out.

What the hell did she expect from him to do? What did she expect from him to say? _Thank you for your candor?_ Nope, definitely not that. Maybe a little part of her did expect from him to walk away like he did, only because she did the same thing to him before. More than once. More brutally. Now was her turn to find out how that feels like...

But that was definitely not the best scenario that Lexie imagined it could have happen. Not at all. She didn't even know what was the best scenario. The scenario that wouldn't hurt anybody. Because yes, she was the kind of a person that would feel sorry for Julia, if he said that he still loves her too. So that only means one thing. The best scenario didn't exist. Not in their current situation. A situation that she got them into.

But at least she said it. _I love you. I just love you all the time… every minute of every day…_

He knows it now. He knows it all. He knows that she still loves him, just him and not anyone else. That she is ready to accept everything that goes with him. And the worst of all, now he knows that she is falling apart. She is falling apart without him. _And I can't sleep, I can't breathe, I can't eat…_

She admitted it loud and clear. And her mind was still struggling to accept that. She thought how every word that she pronounced sounded so desperate and pathetic.

And suddenly, she felt her eyes filling with tears. She groaned, wiped off a tear that started running down her left cheek and stood up. As she headed to the parking lot, as fast as she could walk, she heard someone calling out her name from behind. It wasn't Mark. That much she knew. For a moment she thought about ignoring it, but then she stopped walking. She was also the kind of a person who does not ignore people. Turning around, she saw Alex following her while looking at his phone. Her plan about going home alone so she could avoid explaining why she looked so lost in time and space fall apart right there.

Or maybe not. It was Alex after all.

_Maybe he won't notice. Maybe he won't ask._

"Going home?" was what he asked, looking up at her. "Mer got stuck in the surgery, so I need a ride." Lexie didn't answer. It's like her brain needed some time to start working again normally. Alex gave her a weird, confused face. "Lexie?… Lexie?" he asked louder, snapping his fingers in her face. Her eyes suddenly widened, like she just woke up from some kind of trans.

"Um yeah, yeah, I'm going home." she answered, trying to sound as calmly as she could manage. She hasn't really done a good job though, as she could hear her own voice shaking.

The second after they had entered the car, large raindrops slowly started falling down. For a moment she just sat there, hands on the wheel, staring at a bunch of raindrops that occupied her windshield. She could feel Alex's eyes focused on her with now more annoyed than confused face.

"It's just.. It's been a really, really long day."

He raised his hands at the level of his shoulders in defense. "I didn't say anything..." he mumbled, and after a short pause added sarcastically, "I'm just hoping that you'll manage to get us home before we got stuck in the storm or something." She rolled her eyes at that. And that only made him want to tease her even more. "No, I get it. Sloan's cases can be really exhausting."

She glared at him on that and immediately snapped, "I'm just tired. It has nothing to do with Sloan." Alex raised his eyebrows, trying not to laugh. "…Or his cases."

He nodded at that and then quietly said, "Of course it hasn't." adding a slight smile at the end.

Lexie shook her head and finally started the car mumbling, "Just… shut up." And that made her earn just another quiet chuckle from Alex.

…

Mark couldn't believe that he just had a long and exhausting day, surgery after surgery, and there he was, in his bed, and he just couldn't fall asleep. His mind was refusing to shut off. He was turning and switching positions for over an hour and nothing helped. He ended up on his back just staring at the ceiling. The clock on a nightstand was somehow ticking too loud. Besides that, he could ever hear drops falling from the tap down in the sink in the bathroom. He could also hear a sleeping sights coming from a woman that was laying down next to him. The woman that he told two hours ago that he was too tired to have sex, only in a fear that he would whisper in her ear name that's not hers.

Slightly glancing at her, just to make sure that she was still asleep, he pulled off the covers and got out of the bed. Grateful that Julia didn't even move, Mark directed to the kitchen.

After switching on the lights, he made his way to the minibar. A glass of scotch was the first thing that he could think of… He knew that he would probably regret his decision, but he needed something in what he was sure it'll help. And scotch always helps.

He leaned against the kitchen counter, and taking the big first gulp of honey brown liquid he felt how alcohol burned his throat the moment after. Then he closed his eyes. And a whole reason why he couldn't fall asleep appeared right in front of him. He could clearly see her. Her eyes, her hair, her lips, her flushed cheeks, her smile… He saw everything. He saw her. Just like every time when he had closed his eyes that night. Her words echoed in his ears.

_I_ _'m so in love with you._

Mark swallowed the rest of his drink at once. He could feel his heart rate going faster every second and sweat starting to form all over his torso. As he deeply inhaled in an attempt to calm down, he poured himself another scotch. At least, he didn't have to worry about a headache when he wakes up, because clearly he is not going to sleep at all. She won't let him.

…

Lexie was staring at the cupcake stand in the café that was right across the hospital, trying to pick one, for a while. Strawberry one looked really nice, not as good as blueberry one, though. Next to that one was the one with apple flavor. _Eww... That one definitely not. Oh God, did I really spend the last 10 minutes of my life studying cupcakes?..._ She didn't even want a cupcake in the first place. She didn't want to be there at all, but it was lunchtime and the second after someone had mentioned Mark in the cafeteria she ran out. Like… literally ran out. She would rather eat by herself than listen the gossips about him.

Finally grabbing the blueberry one, she turned around to pick up her coffee as well, and then headed to pay for both.

Taking the change that cashier gave her and throwing it in her purse, she grabbed her cupcake and coffee and turn around only to see nobody else, but Mark standing in a row a few people down from her.

After he walked out on her last night, her crying session in the attic right after that, and their weird encounter earlier today in the elevator featuring Derek who clearly enjoyed being part of that whole situation, she could tell that she was about to take another punch in the face. The only words that she got from him were that he didn't forget what she said… And that was it. _Well, at least he's thinking about it… At least I know that I am in some way on his mind…_

"Heyyy Lex" he greeted her, obviously trying to sound not too awkward, but of course, it didn't work. Plus, every time she would hear the word _Lex_ coming out of his mouth her heart skips a beat. "Ohh, blueberry, my favorite, great choice." he added after glancing at the purple cupcake in her hand, and he smiled widely at her after a few seconds of silence, because she still didn't manage to come up with anything to say. She was just staring at him. _Please, just don't say anything stupid or pathetic…_

"Yeah, I know." _Good one, Lexie, good one…_ "I mean, mine too." she corrected herself immediately. Her cheeks flushed bright red. Catching a sight of a slight smirk on his face, Lexie was sure he noticed it. He always does, no matter how hard she tries to hide it.

"I know."

Her breath got caught up in her throat as Mark repeated her words. "I mean, I remember." Then he smiled only wider as he said, "But I really don't remember you ever buying only one of them." She chuckled at that. He was totally right. She never satisfied her appetite with only one before.

Looking at him now, she noticed the tired look on his face. Dark circles under the eyes, slight redness in them… Maybe everything she said the night before really did hit him. She didn't exactly manage to notice it earlier in the elevator, she was too busy praying for the ground to open and shallow her.

After another silence, she whispered, "I'm gonna go back to the hospital now. My pause is almost over, and I have to check on… the thing that Derek I mean, Dr. Shepherd told me I should check on... so I'll see you around, I guess." she mumbled quickly, stuttering on her words as she started walking towards the door. She needed to get out of there. Fast.

"Lex?" she heard his voice behind her. And there it was… that _Lex_ again.

"Pretend you didn't hear it. Pretend you didn't hear it. Pretend you didn't hear it and just keep walking. Do not turn around." she whispered to herself. But... she turned around, of course, and putting a soft smile on her face asked, "Yeah?"

"I need to talk to you. Soon. I just... I'm trying... I don't even know what I am doing. I feel so... out of balance. Like everything around me is all over the place and I'm just trying to hold it together, you know, but I can't... and I…" he mumbled softly as his eyes locked with hers.

"You don't have to say anything, Mark." she interrupted him. Then she gave him a slight but pure smile. He loved that smile. That smile was one of his favorite things about her. Mostly because he never saw any other person smile genuine and precious like that, and of course, because in the past, he was very often cause for that smile.

Thinking about those words, he just couldn't believe that after everything she said to him last night she was still selfless enough to not ask anything in return. He suddenly felt a really strange weight pressuring on his chest. No one ever told him anything that could even try to compare with everything she said last night. Nothing can compare with that.

 _You're in me._ No one ever felt that way about him. He had never experienced that. He had never imagined that he will. Did he really choose to walk away from that? No wonder why his conscience didn't let him sleep last night…

A few years back, he was almost sure that there is no woman on this planet that he would settle for. And even if there was, he knew that he would need her to completely be his. In every possible way. That she would want and love every part of him, that he would always be on her mind, that she would be something that holds him in one piece...

 _I can't think about anything or anybody._ He needed that. And he got that. And he walked away from it… And now, he had to fix that somehow. Or he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

Lost in his thoughts, Mark just stared at her, trying to come up with something to say...

 _I love you. I love you. I love you._ The words just couldn't get out of his mouth. The only words he had on his mind.

"Excuse me? What can I get you?" he turned around at those "so unneeded at that moment" words that the lady behind the stand just told him.

"Yeah, just… just a second." he answered to her and turned back at Lexie only to see her walking out, or more like running out of the café. He stared at her as long as he could, secretly praying that she would turn around to look back at him. He needed her to look at him again. She didn't.

…

"Here you go." Derek said to Lexie as he gave to her the keys of his car. He needed her to pick up some documents he left there, that they needed for upcoming surgeries. "Just make sure you lock it afterwards."

"Of course..." she said as she rolled her eyes at his unneeded "just to be sure" words.

"And I'll be waiting for you in my office to discuss it...Okay? We're done for today, but we can get through cases we have for tomorrow."

She just nodded at that and briefly gazed at the watch around her wrist. It was evening already and her shift was over in an hour. Exactly the time they needed for him to show her the cases. She was about to get going to get them when he added after her. "He told me, you know."

Lexie stopped in her tracks right there. Her heart immediately started to beat a lot faster and stronger, she could feel her cheeks burning, her breathing became quicker and shivers running over her skin... _Of course, that's why it was so weird… He probably told him the second before I found them in the elevator. Damn freaking elevators…_

She slowly turned back to look at Derek trying to read something, anything, of his face... maybe if Mark told him something more. She tried to figure if his face was covered with pity or compassion or something... but she saw absolutely nothing.

"Did he say anything to you? About that?" she asked slowly.

"He did. But I can't tell you anything." Seeing the disappointed look on her face Derek added, "He will. If he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life in misery."

After those words her look fell down. She didn't know what that meant. But Derek obviously didn't have any intentions of telling her anything more than that. But at least, those words gave her some kind of hope that Mark eventually would say something to her.

Derek thought that he would. That actually made her grin to herself. Derek really went from beating up Mark the moment when he had found out about them to their biggest rooter.

And her biggest support at the moment. Professionally and emotionally. He was the one who spent the last couple of months giving her reasons why she shouldn't try to get Mark back, only so he could prove to her that none of those reasons matter. Not when you're really in love with someone. And that gave her the courage to finally open up.

When she turned around to leave, Derek spoke again. "Did he really...?"

"Said thank you for your candor? Yep." Lexie turned to Derek again with a face that almost wanted to burst in laugh at that if that fact wasn't so terrible.

"Ouch…"

…

Taking the plastic bag out of the car, Lexie sighed by surprise. That was a lot heavier than she expected. _How many cases did Derek plan to discuss?_ Everybody at the hospital were super nervous these days, boards were getting nearer and nearer and everybody was freaking out. She wouldn't be shocked if Derek didn't plan for her to already start preparing herself for the next year. She was lucky to have him as a mentor, because he was exactly the kind of teacher she needed. And even better big brother she never had.

Locking the door of a car with one hand, she was holding the bag full of papers in the other one.

"You need any help with that?"

Yep, the universe really wanted to use her as a punching bag that day.

"No, I'm fine... But thanks." she answered, looking up at Mark, who appeared behind her. She deeply inhaled. "So… you're just happened to be right here, right now?" she asked and then noticed confused look at his face. "Like at the parking lot behind the hospital at 8:17 pm? Hmm?" she added after glancing at her watch. There was something about them bumping into each other these days.

"You mean just like you happen to be right here, right now, at the parking lot at… 8:18 now?" he asked, trying to mimic the exact same tone as she said it.

She smiled. That smile again. He wouldn't mind looking at that smile for the rest of his life. And he definitely wouldn't mind being the cause for that smile either. In fact, he desired the idea of that. "Well, what can I say? Some things are just… meant to happen."

"Mhmm." she nodded, smiling a lot wider.

Something changed. In the way he talked to her. It was softer. They weren't an awkward mess anymore. Looking at him hurt a little less. She could see in his eyes that he really missed her. She could see that he was pining after her. The same way she was pining after him.

There was _that_ look on his face. The look she saw only once before. The look he gave her after she came to his hotel room for the first time. The one where he was desperately trying not to give in. But this wasn't that night. And even they were still the same people, both of them grow up a little bit...

So she decided that she's not gonna pressure him like she did over three years ago. She decided that she's not gonna say "Come on. Am I really so bad?" He already showed her that she's not. That's probably one of the first reasons why she fell for him. He made her feel valuable and worthy. He made her feel good about herself. And she was sure that she made him feel good about himself too. So this time… this time was up to him.

Mark just stood there with a grin on his face, and watched her as she turned and walked away. And this time, she turned head over her shoulder to glance at him again.

Her glance was quick but alluring. Mark was actually surprised, because he expected that her eyes on him would feel somehow different. But they didn't. Her look felt warm and familiar. It felt like… like she never stopped being his. That made his body shiver. It made him realize that he still wanted her. He always wanted her… Because he never stopped being hers either. Why are obvious things sometimes so hard to realize? Why is something that's constantly on his mind so hard for him to say it out loud?...

Lexie didn't know what exactly made her heart wanna jump out at that moment. The fact that she actually got enough courage to look at him in the way she just did, or the fact that he was still standing there and staring at her, with his well-known Mark Sloan smirk all over his face as he caught sight of her smile again...


	2. Chapter 2

"You should really get some sleep, you look like crap." Callie commented after she had found Mark looking at the OR-board… Looking at the OR-board, yes, but actually reading something from it, absolutely not. He couldn't read anything, he was just bluntly staring at it, in an attempt to keep himself busy.

"I can't sleep." he mumbled, his eyes still determinedly fixed on the board.

"Yes, you can. Your shift is over, go home, get some rest... I know you're working your ass off with Jackson, he can survive a day without you..." She didn't get any kind of response from Mark. "Okay, you're creeping me out... What's going on?" Callie was looking at him confused.

"I didn't sleep for two days." He still didn't take his eyes off the board.

"That's what I'm talking about. Go home! Mark, you're being really weird..."

"Because every time I close my eyes…" Mark stopped for a second, the last conversation with Callie about this didn't end that beautifully. He hesitated for a couple of moments if he should tell her what happened with Lexie. He wanted to, but… he really needed Callie be on his side for this. He needed her to understand. And to get her there… well, he had to tell her what's bothering him… _strategically. "_ Every time I close my eyes, I see her face." _Not a good start…_

"Strange… coming from you." she laughed, "But cute, I guess…" Callie said in a soft voice, and after that, Mark finally looked at her, without even the slightest smile on his face. "Not cute?" Seeing his expression, her tone change as well. "We are talking about Julia, right?" Mark sighed, turned around, and sat down on the floor right under the board. "Did something happen between you two?" Callie kept questioning him.

"Maybe..."

"And maybe... means... yes?" she asked and followed his actions sitting down next to him.

"Nothing happened between us. I mean, between Julia and me." It really didn't. For all that he knew, Julia wasn't aware of anything. He didn't tell her anything, he tried his best not to act weird last night. While she was awake, at least. He accepted her goodbye kiss when she left for work, like every day before. Nothing had changed for her. But a lot had changed for him. A whole world had turned around for him.

"Okay so… I'm the man who has a great girlfriend…" he started, she nodded. "And she's the woman that wants everything that I want..."

"Okay, isn't that a good thing?" Callie interrupted him.

"No, it's not. It's not because I don't think I want to be that man... Because that man is also the man who is going to wake up every day for the rest of his life telling himself... that woman is perfect. But she isn't..." his voice cracked, "I don't even know how to explain it. I don't have the words to explain it."

 _She isn't Lexie_ , would be the words, but they sounded too earth-shattering, even in his head to be said out loud. Mark's hand went up to rub his forehead. "Yes, something happened." He felt like he needed to stop rambling about things that he still didn't know how to turn into real words and get back to her original question. "But not with Julia. With Lexie."

"Well that explains it." Callie blurted, nodding in the way that was something between pity, some kind of expectation and slight annoyance. "Look..." Callie sighed loudly, "I'm not gonna ask you what happened, but... If any of that made any sense and if you want me to give you some normal, healthy advice, I would tell you that you should just forget about it, and just... just move on."

Mark opened his mouth to protest, but she was faster than him and stopped him before he could he even start. "But. But I know, from personal experience, that moving on from _that person_ is... hard. You'll never completely move on. And I'm well aware who _that person_ is for you. And I know that if she showed any kind of little gesture or looked at you for a couple of seconds longer, or whatever she did…" _Yeah, little gesture... I lost count of how many times she said I love you,_ Mark shook his head and tried his best to focus on what Callie is saying "...that's probably messing with your head right now. But remember, it is possible that her little gestures are only in your head."

_If someone didn't drug me and that made me see Lexie babbling her heart out in the most beautiful way I ever saw, no, they're definitely not only in my head._

"And you've said it yourself, Julia is perfect and she wants everything that you want. But then again, Lexie is... Lexie. So I don't think I have anything else to say that could help you..." She looked at him with complete pity now.

_Yeah, Julia is perfect. But what the hell I am supposed to do with a fact that I can't get the other woman out of my head?_

Figuring that Callie didn't have an answer for that, why he should bother asking. _Well, it's not like there is a person who did have an answer for that._ Mark got up with an idea to actually go home and try to get some sleep. It was Callie and Arizona's night with Sofia anyway. And Julia supposed to have surgeries the whole evening, so he didn't have to worry about her being in the apartment.

Maybe he could pay a visit to the hospital pharmacy to get some sleeping pills. Or he could just drink scotch until he passes out. That wouldn't be so healthy, though... Or he could just go find... no, what would he say to her? _I love you too, for example..._

Mark deeply inhaled when he got out of the hospital. He really needed that fresh, cold Seattle air. All though, he was sure that even if Seattle gets blown down by some freaking hurricane it wouldn't be strong enough to get Lexie Grey out of his head.

…

On the way back to his apartment he promised himself he will not, under any freaking circumstances, do that. And it was literally the first thing that he did when he came home.

He forgot about sleeping pills and sleeping at all, he poured himself a glass of scotch, and took a whole bottle with him, got comfortable on the bed and reached for his laptop. He felt that horrible feeling, the feeling when you know that you shouldn't do something, but you're gonna do it anyway, because you just can't help yourself.

Mark didn't know what he expected to get by doing this. And he was almost 100% sure that this could make him feel even worse, if that was possible. He also briefly wondered if this is considered as cheating. Because it felt like that. He felt like a cheater. And not only because his mind was full of thoughts of a woman that wasn't his girlfriend.

More because he was going through folders on his laptop searching for... There it was. A folder of pictures. All taken about three years ago. Half of them before he even moved to the apartment. And a couple of videos too. Without even opening any item yet, he could feel his hands starting to sweat, his heart pounding like crazy, and all of his muscles stiffened. His mind hesitated to open any picture, but he did anyway...

The first photo that he chose was taken in his old hotel room at Archfield. Dressed in only t-shirt and panties, with a pretty messy bun, Lexie was laying down on her stomach, reading some medical journal. Because of the angle from which photo was taken, Mark figured that he was probably sitting in the armchair, not so far from the bed. She didn't even notice he took that photo. But when he took the next one, she definitely noticed. She was in the exact same position, just her look wasn't focused on the whatever article she was reading a moment before, but at him, clearly surprised when she realized what he was doing. Even with that confused grimace on her face, she was still beautiful.

… _"What are you doing?" she asked, still laying down with a smile on her face._

_"I'm filming you." he heard his own voice behind the camera. "You look really good in my clothes."_

_Lexie smiled shyly, biting her down lip, as he referred to apparently his t_ _-shirt that she was wearing_ _. Her cheeks immediately flushed red and she ducked her head down, in an attempt to not so openly show him how big effects his words had on her._

_She tried to ignore him and his little filthy comment, and return to the journal, but he just wasn't done._

_"_ _Lexie..."_

_"_ _Hmm?"_

_"_ _Come here." he demanded._

_"_ _Nope." she replied immediately, still determinately looking at the journal._

_"_ _Come here..." he continued hearing her not so convincing tone._

_She was still biting her lip, her breathing got quicker. She was trying too hard. Then she looked at the direction of the camera again. Taking that satisfying enough, he said again, slower and even more demanding,_ _"_ _Come here."_

_Smirking to herself, she closed the journal, clumsily rolled off the bed and walked towards the camera. After she sat on his lap, Mark turned around the camera, so both of their faces were on screen. Ignoring the camera Lexie lifted his chin up so his lips could meet hers and kissed him._

Mark paused the video. Watching this was a bad idea. A very, very bad idea. His hand reached for a glass of scotch, but when he brought it closer to his mouth he saw it was already empty. _When?_ Not even bothering to fill the glass up again, he found the bottle and took a couple of sips directly from it. He suddenly felt like he needed to watch all of this faster. Like he was running out of time to do that. Even if he had all night. Looking at their joined lips, he wished that he could kiss her. Now. He felt his lips literally burning for hers. The best solution he could find was just moving on to the next photo.

Some random café. The two of them together. His arm was completely around her, and he was kissing her cheek. She was widely smiling, but it was more like a moment of laughter than a smile.

The next one. Same café, but only Lexie in the photo. She was digging into her cup of ice cream not paying attention to anything around her. A couple more photos from that café followed, than a lot more from the hotel room.

Firmly holding the bottle of scotch pressed against his chest, Mark pressed play on the next video he found.

_It showed carpet of the hotel room, and then a quick way towards the bed. The hotel room was almost in complete dark, curtains were closed, it was really early in the morning. The video showed Lexie, who was in the bed, still peacefully sleeping on her stomach, with one hand clutching a pillow. He was holding a camera with his left hand, and then his right hand appeared on the screen, his fingers softly brushing against her bare back. She stirred, mumbled something under her breath, and then turned her head to the other side. His fingers went up to her hair that was all over her face and the pillow. He brushed some strays of hair out of her face and whispered her name a few times. Lexie slowly opened her eyes at his voice. She wasn't so pleased when she saw that he was recording her and she turned her head on the opposite side in annoyance._ _"_ _Mark, turn it off!" He just chuckled at her morning mood, and his hand went to caress her again. She tried to push his hand away, and then completely covered herself._ _"_ _Turn it off!" she groaned under the covers. Another of Mark's laughs followed from behind the camera and then screen went black._

Mark never considered deleting any of this. He would never do that. Every photo, every video... with her, with them, anywhere, still meant a lot to him. All of that will always matter to him.

Photos started to blur in front of his eyes. Scotch finally started to work. He decided to skip the videos, his brain didn't have enough strength anymore to go through them. Every minute his headache hurt more and photos were blurrier. When staring at the laptop screen in the dark room started to feel unbearable he had to stop. His eyes hurt, his head hurt, his whole body hurt.

He glanced slightly at the other folder, the one in which he stored other kind of their photos and videos. Not the cute and innocent kinds, but the "for when you are alone in bed" and the "what are you're wearing right now" kinds. But he didn't dare to open it. That would probably be the death of him.

After taking one last look on one last photo… just Lexie, sitting with her legs crossed on the sofa, smiling genuinely right back at him... he lowered laptop screen halfway down and moved it to the side, as he laid down on the bed. What the hell he was thinking? That all of this would magically solve his problems? He needed to talk to her. He needed to talk with both of them.

Oh God, when did his love life get so complicated? Well, since he started having "love" life. And when was that? When his best friend told him to stay away from a certain intern. It got worse when that same intern knocked on his door just a couple of days after... If that never happened, he would still be the man he was before. Maybe he would meet Julia, and he would sleep with her, but he definitely wouldn't call her the day after…

…

In the middle of the next day, Mark's head was still pounding from too much alcohol and too many memories last night. Plan what he's going to do... didn't exist. Not yet, at least. Avoiding both, Lexie and Julia, wasn't the solution. As he walked out of his third surgery, he sighed loudly running fingers through his hair.

"Are you getting any?"

Mark froze at words referred to him. Jackson was looking at him with a worried face. And a second later he burst into laughter.

"What?" Mark didn't know if he should take that as an insult or an actual concern.

"Well, that's what you asked me the last time I was over stressed. I'm just trying to let you know how that feels like." Jackson answered with a wide overjoyed smile.

"You have zero comedic timing sense, Avery. Zero!" He really wasn't in the mood for a joke. Which is weird. Especially because it was a sexual joke.

"You seriously seem a little off, though. Trouble in paradise?" For a second, for a split second, Mark actually considered telling Jackson what's going on. It looked... _it seemed_ , kind of, like Jackson did get over Lexie. _Well, people probably think you got over her too..._ But back to Jackson. At first, it did seem like he was really downcast. Depressed, nostalgic... But, at first and at first only. Mark saw them together after some time passed, talking, laughing...

"Avery..." he tried.

"Yes?"

After short silence Mark finally spoke, "Don't you have anything more important to do than getting onto my nerves?" He changed his tone from soft to strict in a second. Boards were just around the corner, he was his mentor, and he's making sure Jackson will pass them. No love drama for him this time. That was Mark's final decision.

"Come on, Mark, cut him some slack."

Mark's eyes widened in surprise as the female voice filled the air. He did his best to put a smile on his face and turned around to face his girlfriend.

"Hey, what are you doing here...?" Her raised eyebrows gave him a feeling that he should change that attitude immediately. "I mean, what's up?"

"I just… have a day off, and I thought we could have lunch together. And talk... If you're not too busy." Julia added, glancing at Jackson.

"Yeah, sure. Avery can totally pull this off by himself. Right?"

"Absolutely." After quick nod Jackson almost ran out of the hall not wanting to spend one more minute there.

Well, she was there. She came to him. This could be the perfect occasion for them to talk. Or for him to talk with her.

Did he want to see her? He wasn't sure. Okay, he kind of did. If not for the pleasure of seeing her, then definitely in need to talk to her.

Maybe he should have talked to Lexie first. To... like find out where they stand and what is going to happen next. Okay, that's just stupid... he knew exactly where they stand... She still loves him. He still loves her. That's enough to know. So Julia... he had to be honest with her, that's for sure. Just… honest.

…

"I actually came here because I wanted to talk to you about something." She suddenly stopped and leaned against one of the nurses stations. She sighed, and Mark could tell that something was bothering her. How bad of a man he was if he felt rejoiced because there was a chance that she maybe wanted to break up with him?

"About what? Is everything okay?" But he tried to stay calm. He still didn't give her any sign about what was bothering him lately.

"I hope so. Look, maybe I'm just being paranoid and pathetic and insecure, but... I think that you'll definitely have some explanation or something and the only way I could get over this is actually asking you..."

Well, that sounded like he was about to get accused of something.

"What... what is it?"

"Well, I came by to your apartment this morning in hope that we could have breakfast together, I didn't text, so I could surprise you, but you already left. So I had breakfast by myself, and while making it I..." she stopped for a second, trying to find the right to say what she wanted, "I… accidentally, I swear, knocked your desk and your… your laptop screen came up. And well, I lifted it so I could turned it off, cause you…" Her breath got stuck for a moment, "...clearly forgot."

"Ohh..." Mark's mind went completely blank. _Did she actually…_

"Ohh? That's all you have to say to me? This is _the moment_ where I ask for an explanation." Looking right at his eyes she quietly asked something for what he wanted to know answer as well. "Why… were you going through her pictures?" He felt like someone just hit him in the head with a hammer. He tried to come up to say something, but before he could manage that, her words kept cutting him down. "I'm not accusing you for anything, I understand that you have some photos of your ex but... Mark, please say something. Tell me that I'm just being paranoid."

"I... I don't know what to say."

"So I'm not just being paranoid?" Those words came out a lot quicker and in a lot more frustrated way than any words before.

"Julia..." He hated this. He hated this so much. This reminded him of a bunch other women who looked at him the same way. That was the look that he got every time he turned some woman down, right after he had used her. He wasn't that man anymore. But this made him feel like he was. This woman in front of him made him feel like he was.

"What? Just say it... It's really not that hard."

"Julia, I don't... what do you want me to say?" What he could possibly say to fix this situation? To not let her down, but to not let himself down either?

"Just... I know what she meant to you, I do. But because of the way you're acting right now… I need to ask you..." She inhaled deeply and her voice cracked as her words struggled to get out of her mouth. "What if she wants to be with you now? Would that change things... between us?"

"And because you needed to ask that… I think we both know things already have changed." He wasn't that man anymore. He was just a man who was in love with another woman.

"What? Wait... Mark, wait. This... this cannot be happening right now. Please tell me that this is not really happening. Oh God, I... I thought that what we have is something real..." She instinctively took a step back.

Tears started forming in her eyes. Tears that somehow, as bad as that sound, didn't bother him that much. Maybe because he kind of expected them.

Everything at once became so clear. He's not gonna hide it or fight it or try to put logic in it anymore. The last two days were a freaking hell for him. Not because he didn't know what he wanted. He just didn't know how to express it. How to make it right.

"And... you're right. That's why I can't lie to you. That's why I'm trying to get through this the right way. Cause I always... In the past, I always chose the easy way. And..."

Julia covered her eyes with her hand. She was shaking her head left and right like she was trying to make everything go away. Realizing that it won't, she managed to say quietly, "You know, for quite some time, I really tried to figure out why... Why you couldn't love me. I thought it was simply because you're not that kind of a man. But I think, I think I get it now."

"I'm so, so sorry."

"So you're choosing to ruin this _real_ thing that we have… for a slight glimpse of hope that you're still holding on to… that what? That she wants you back?" Mark didn't know if answer for that was meant to clear things up for her or for him.

"It's a lot more than a glimpse." For Julia, that was the moment when everything fell into place. Every "see you" that she got when she would say _l love you._ Every uncertainty, every doubt, every "we shouldn't rush this…" _It's a lot more that a glimpse…_ She didn't have a nerve to ask when or where or how he got an impression that Lexie really does want him back, she didn't want to hear it.

"Okay, I get it… I… I'll get back to your apartment now and pick up my stuff."

Mark thought about saying thank you, but he felt like she needed to hear something else more. "I didn't plan to end it like this, I swear... I never thought that..."

"That what? That one day, she will realize that she still loves you?... Yeah, I never thought about that either..." Squeezing tightly onto her purse Julia turned around and after a few fast steps disappeared from his sight.

Mark deeply sighed. He knew that Julia didn't want to hear anything more. Not from him, not about Lexie. And he respected that. As bad as he felt, he felt relieved too. Like a big, heavy burden fall of his chest. But part of that burden was still there. Still pressing. But this time, he knew exactly how to get rid of it.

…

Where the hell was she? Mark was wandering through the halls of the hospital for the last 20 minutes, and she was nowhere to be found. Every nurse that he asked, didn't see her either. He also couldn't find Derek or Meredith to ask them. Her name wasn't on the surgical board for any surgery for that day. Why now? Why today?

For a moment he thought about calling her. The only reasonable excuse his mind succeeded to come up with, was that she had a day off. But he figured that if he did call her… he wouldn't manage to _not_ cancel all of his surgeries for that day and run to Meredith's house to find her.

Speaking of... Meredith just appeared around the corner. _Thank God..._

"Big Grey!" he exclaimed the moment he saw her and run up to her.

"Mark..." Meredith slightly glanced at him and then directed her attention to an open chart in front of her.

"Where is your sister?" Mark asked bluntly. Maybe too bluntly. Bluntly enough for Meredith to figure that he wasn't looking for Lexie for professional reasons. "Home... she's not coming today." Meredith stopped walking, tilted her head to him and looked at him suspiciously. "Why?"

"Just wondering..." he said too slowly in the way that made it sound really awkward. And because of that Meredith's face turned even more questioning. "What?" Mark snapped. She stared right at him, narrowing her eyes like she was trying to read something through him. Her eyes fall closed for a second and then her hand reached into a lab coat pocket pulling out her phone. "What are you doing?" Now was Mark the one with a questioning expression.

"Just checking on Zola. She's home with Lexie." Meredith explained, looking directly at him, like she expected some kind of reaction. And she damn right got one.

Mark's eyes widened in surprise and shock, and without hesitating he immediately grabbed her phone literally towing it from her and putting it above his head where she couldn't reach it. "No, no, no. Don't do that! Don't call her!"

"Mer?" Lexie's confused voice coming from a phone made him panic even more.

Putting a phone to his ear, he stuttered, "Hey Lex. Great to hear from you." He said the first thing that came up on his mind. Until that moment, Mark wasn't aware how squeaky his voice can be. He could literally hang himself because of that new cognition.

"Mark?"

But... she still recognized it. Of course she did.

Before he could say anything more Meredith grabbed her phone back, frowning at him. "Give me that!"

He helplessly watched as Meredith talked to Lexie for a few minutes. After their call ended Meredith turned towards him again. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. Nothing." he said, trying to sound as calmly as possible. Meredith rolled her eyes at him and opened her chart again, but before she could focus on it one more time Mark spoke, "I broke up with Julia." He didn't even know why he was telling her that.

"Finally... I really didn't like her." she said bluntly, without even the slightest emotion in her voice. She didn't even bother to look at him again.

"What? Everybody liked her..." Mark asked now genuinely confused. _Literally everybody liked her._

"Eeehhh..." Meredith gave him a slightly disgusted face. It didn't really matter. Not anymore.

As an idea popped up in his mind, his lips curved into a smile. "Meredith?" Having her attention again, he asked quietly, "Can you do me a favor?"


	3. Chapter 3

_What the hell just happen…?_

Putting her phone away Lexie turned back to Zola, who was still calmly sitting in her high-chair.

_Why did Mark have Mer's phone? Why did he or she or they or whoever just call? Meredith asked some things about Zola, but nothing that couldn't wait a couple of hours until she gets home._

"Okay, that was... weird, don't you think?" Lexie smiled as she sat on a chair next to little toddler. She melted as Zola innocently looked at her with her big brown eyes. Deeply sighing, she tried to relax and not think about anything that has something to do with the hospital. Including Mark. Of course, when you try to ignore something, you always end up thinking about it even more.

She really wanted that day off, a _whole_ day off. A day without loud, crowded halls of the hospital, without Derek's lost cause cases, without hopeless waiting for Mark to say something. She needed just that one day for herself, to try to calm her nerves down, a day when her only obligation was taking care of baby Zola.

A couple of hours later, while Zola was napping on a couch, Lexie was going through the channels on TV and lazily snacking some crackers, when her attention was disturbed by the well-known beeping sound of a pager. She quickly got up to turn it off before Zola wakes up.

Lexie sighted loudly as she saw she got a call for an emergency.

Her whole free day... apparently just got cut off.

Texting Meredith that she will have to drop Zola to daycare, she started running around the room trying to get herself and Zola ready as fast as possible.

…

Lexie sighted with relief as she spotted Derek the second after she came through the main entrance of the hospital. He spotted her as well, and he was clearly very confused why she was there on her day off with sleeping Zola in her arms. Without even giving him a chance to ask anything Lexie just put Zola in his arms along with her baby bag and in a hurried tone exclaimed, "Paged to the pit, gotta go. Can you take her to the daycare?"

"Yeah, sure..." he affirmed, giving Zola a light kiss on a cheek, and before he could turn to Lexie again, she was already rushing to through the halls to get changed.

Rummaging through her purse to find some hair pins or hair tie just to put her loose hair in one place she felt a strong firm grip around her upper arm and suddenly… she is involuntarily dragged into the stairwell.

"Woahhh..." Getting aware of her surroundings after she had been swerved around, Lexie's jaw fell wide open when she saw Mark. "Mark. Wh-what are you doing?"

"I need to talk to you." he announced, looking at her tenderly, slowly loosening up his grip around her arm. _Now? Now, Mark, really? I waited for almost three freaking days, and you chose this particular moment where I have to be in a pit in a less than a minute?_

"I can't... I was paged. I... I can't do this right now." she stuttered, shaking her head. She couldn't believe that she was actually about to turn down a chance to talk to him. A freaking chance she waited for so long... He wanted to talk.

"You weren't paged." Mark laughed, as he grabbed her arm again when she tried to turn away. _Of course I was paged, that's why I came to the hospital in the first place._

"Mark, this isn't a joke, I was paged for an emergency, I have to go!" Lexie said almost shouting, she didn't know if she was more annoyed by him not taking the situation seriously or by the fact that she really had to go even if she didn't want to.

Because as much as she wanted to stay and talk to him, and God, she really wanted to, more than anything... emergency was emergency. What she didn't get is... why was he acting so recklessly in such a serious situation...

"No, you weren't." Mark stated bluntly, still smiling. "I asked Meredith to page you. I wanted you to come here without having any... assumptions." he admitted. He knew it was a bit harsh, but he was desperate to see her.

_WHAT?_

"What? You... you can't do that... That's just... I freaked out, I thought it's emergency! You can't do that! I thought someone was dying! There are rules, you know... you can't just page me for an emergency when you feel like it, because that's just..." Lexie started rambling, in her very recognizable Lexie-way, which made Mark smile even more widely, when he finally interrupted her, "But I did... because I need to talk to you."

Lexie got quiet for a moment and crossed arms across her chest. After taking deep breath she asked, "So there isn't any emergency?"

"No." he answered, but quickly corrected himself, "Well, yes, there is actually. I am... I am the emergency."

"Oh really? You're on a verge of dying or something?" She couldn't help but mock. This may turn into actual conversation she's been waiting for. He said he wanted to talk, and even if she didn't want to raise her hopes up this may actually be _that_ talk. Talk about them, about what she said and about what his answer is to that. And he was smiling way to widely to say something that would hurt her. Good sign.

"I might be." Mark smirked, in pretending to be offended way. "I haven't slept properly for the last couple of days, I have trouble breathing from time to time, my heart seems to beat a lot faster than usual... And I also feel a little fuzzy and languishing. And don't even get me started on this terrible tightening in my chest." Her eyes followed the motion of his hand that landed for a couple of seconds on his chest.

"Mhmmm. So any... any idea why you feel like that?" Lexie had absolutely no idea what took over her, but the next thing she knew is that her body unwillingly got closer to him as she whispered those words.

"You know why."

"No, I don't actually." Her head fell down like she was scared to stare at him for more than two seconds.

Lexie's breath got caught in her throat as she felt his warm fingers first around her ear, putting one strand of her hair behind, and then slowly following the trace of her jawline and ending up under her chin. Gently, he lifted her chin and forced her to meet his intense gaze. Mark slightly leaned forward, grinning as her eyes widened in pleasant surprise. His hand got back up and landed on her cheek.

She just waited and waited, determent not to say anything anymore, _he_ had to be the one who would say something next. She could feel her skin burn with anticipation, but that didn't stop her to instinctively lean her head against his palm.

His thumb stroked her cheek when he finally leaned even further, so close that she felt his hot breath as he whispered, "I love you."

The next moment they were so close that their lips brushed, but before Mark got a chance to kiss her for real, like he wanted to, Lexie put her hands on his chest and slightly pulled back. Even though she had been imagining this exact moment and those exact words for so long, she still couldn't believe that all of that was real. "You don't... you don't have to say it, just because I said it."

But he finally did. He finally said it. It fell out of his mouth so easily. Like it was just some ordinary sentence, or just an simple fact that he was saying to himself every morning when he would wake up.

Maybe he did. Maybe he thought about it every morning. Every day. But it wasn't ordinary. It was opposite of that. And it was the truth.

And there she was, struggling again to accept it, refusing to believe that it wasn't a dream and why? There was no reason for her to feel like that. He didn't suddenly fall in love her just because of what she said. Just because she was in love with him…

He fell in love with her a long time ago. _Her_ words were not unwanted. _Her_ words weren't unrequited either. Those words were just a reminder that they are, in fact, meant to be together. That there was still a chance for them to be.

"I do. I love you. I've always been in love with you. I will always be in love with you."

Like he ever had a choice. Like there was ever a choice besides her.

Mark didn't let her pull away any further, tightly placing his other hand on the small of her back and leaning towards once again.

"Yeah?" He heard her breath out as her lips curved into a smile. The smile he loved so damn much. Her smile.

"Yeah." He smiled too. "And I just... I just wanna..." Without wasting any more breath or words or time or freaking brain cells trying to come up with a reason why he shouldn't come back to her, Mark firmly pressed his lips against hers. Her soft, warm lips welcomed him, as her right hand moved to the back of his neck, drawing him closer.

Her honeyed taste was not something he could ever forget, but just a thought that he again had a chance to really feel it made him happier than words could explain.

The first couple of seconds... it was light, sweet, gentle... he was kissing her in the way that stand by _his_ words, that proved they were really true.

But when her mouth let out a small, muffled moan, Mark grinned into the kiss and licked at her lips, teasing her to let him in. The fingers of her hand that was still on his chest, tightly curled into his jacket, as she deepened the kiss spreading her lips.

The kiss turned into long and deep, neither of them wanting to stop it. Lexie was the one who finally, quietly panting, pulled away back just so she could bury her face into the crook of his neck. As she deeply inhaled his smell, she could feel her eyes slightly getting watery, all caught up in this perfect and overemotional moment. But she didn't let the tears fall down. Instead, she focused on the other things. His warm and soft fingers now on the back of her neck. His embrace. And his smell. _God, his smell..._

Remembering that she could have all of that again, Lexie let out a quiet chuckle, that made Mark back off a little, so he could look her right into eyes again.

"Well... I can tell you, I feel a lot better now." he announced, and she only smiled, biting her lip. His fingers slowly ran through her hair. The silky way that felt sent shivers down his spine.

"You sure...?" she teased, "I hope you were sane enough to make me come here when your shift is actually over."

"You know I was. I'm completely ready to go, as you can see." Mark stepped back, gesturing down his body that he was in fact already changed from scrubs into his clothes.

And before she got a chance to reply something to that, he smirked, closed the distance between them again and sliding his palms down her cheeks he captured her lips one more time.

Lexie grabbed his arms, holding onto him firmly, as her knees got weaker every incoming second. She pressed herself against him, on what he only responded by kissing her harder. She opened her eyes for a moment, sneaking a peek of him, just to make sure this indeed wasn't just a product of her imagination.

When he had to pull back in need for air, letting out a sound from the back of his throat, half moan, half growl, he managed to mumble against her lips, "Back to Meredith's?"

Cupping one of his cheeks with her hand, Lexie couldn't help but to kiss him again, but she pulled away completely after a second, heavily sighing in an attempt to calm herself down, even if she was pretty sure that in a situation like this that would be simply impossible. There is no coming down from a high like this.

"Wait. I... I can't do this, if you..." she gulped, her mind suddenly getting occupied by unpleasant thoughts of his very existing girlfriend. "...if you're still involved with someone else."

"Well, the good thing then is that I'm not. Not anymore."

"Oh God... Mark, I'm sorry." A ball of guilt formed into her throat. Her look fell down like she suddenly got scared to look at him. It wasn't a secret that she felt bad. She just ruined someone's relationship. She knew she should feel bad.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's supposed to be like this. Look at me." Mark cupped her face again, as she squeezed her eyes still not daring to look at him. "Look at me." he requested again, and waited a few seconds when she finally gave in. Opening her eyes, he stared right back at them, in the way that always made her feel safe and calm. "I know it's supposed to be like this. It's supposed to be us. You and me. Okay?" he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers tenderly. "We're supposed to end up together. We're meant to be." Mark brushed his lips against hers in a gentle kiss. He felt her lips curve into a smile, and every bit of guilt, tension, heaviness around them disappeared. Nothing of that was important anymore. She was there, in his arms again and that was the only thing that mattered.

"Meant to be." Their lips rejoin again, stronger this time.

"So I'm gonna ask again. Back to Meredith's? Please?" He licked his lips, as his steel blue eyes widened with excitement.

"Well, if we have to, but at this time, probably everyone will be there, so maybe your place instead?" she answered, slightly pulling back. But by the way his eyebrows narrowed, Lexie guessed he wasn't keen on going there either.

"I was hoping we wouldn't have to actually, Callie and Arizona are hosting some chick thing with Bailey and Altman right across." he explained between the sloppy kisses he was leaving against her cheek. Sighing, she tried to come up with a some kind of solution and at the same time to keep her breathing in check… his wet lips against her skin didn't help one bit.

"Ohh God, do you know how long I wanted this? I want to be just us." she mumbled almost in despair, her words becoming literally inaudible as his series of kisses continued on her neck. Leaving a light bite there, he whispered against her sensitive skin, "There's a place where we can go."


	4. Chapter 4

Lexie felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest. It was heavily pounding against her ribs. Like it was about to explode into a million little pieces that would be impossible to pick up and put together again. And not only her heart. Her whole body ached. But not in a bad or anxious way, just overwhelmed in a warm, excited and joyful feeling. She couldn’t remember the last time she experienced a yearning like that, so strong and powerful it threatened to completely consume her. Especially _here._ Especially with _him._

Lexie tightly squeezed Mark’s hand, in an attempt to calm herself down. Her heart was still thumping like crazy. Her cheeks were burning. Her fingers were tangled with his, feeling the warmth of his skin. She tried to recall every single thing, every step that led to this moment, but her brain wasn’t working properly. Like that even mattered. 

It’s supposed to be like this. It’s supposed to be them.

Of course, Mark her overwhelming and shaken state took as a pure excitement. Which partly was as well. And it even grew stronger when she caught a smirk forming at the corner of his lips. He barely even touched her yet, and she was already aroused beyond belief.

“Patience, Lex.“ he whispered in her ear, leaning towards her, as they were in an elevator with three more people. Her cheeks got even redder at those words.

Lexie quietly gasped in disappointment as Mark let go of her hand, but only so he could move her to stand right in front of him. He pressed her completely against him, putting his chin onto her shoulder, breathing in the scent of her hair and sliding his hands around her waist. That was not only a clear message for three other men that were in the elevator with them, that _she was with him,_ not some chick they could ogle... but also a message for him as well... a reminder, that everything that was happening is not a dream. She was there. In his arms again. And he was absolutely determined to not let her go... ever again.

“Do you remember... what was going through your mind the first time you were here?“ Mark almost inaudible breathed out in her ear. She just smiled, wishing she could even think about that night without butterflies in her stomach, let alone talk about it. Everything changed that December night.

...

As he unlocked and opened the door of his old hotel room, of _their_ hotel room, his body exploded into goosebumps. There were passion and desire growing deep inside him, that he knew only she was able to fill. Mark was always passionate when it comes to woman, but with Lexie it was always something more. Something deeper. Unexplainable. Something he felt only with her.

His heart was racing and his skin was on fire. Locking the door, he watched her as she took a few steps into the room.

“It’s the same one.“ Mark stated, leaning against the door. “I asked for this one specifically. Lucky us it was free.“

“I know... Lucky us.“ she answered, in a slightly shaky voice, what, of course, wasn’t left unnoticed to Mark. He knew her too well.

“You’re not nervous, are you?“ he smirked, stepping towards her and slowly closing the distance between them, holding her gaze all the while. His hands settled on her hips and pulled her body closer as if it was out of habit. It kind of was.

Leaning his head towards hers, he pressed their foreheads together, daring her to answer him. “Hmm? Lex?“ he whispered into her skin, brushing his lips over her nose and cheeks.

“No.“

What was a habit... a fact actually, was the way he makes her feel. All the anxiety, panic, insurance she had about herself, about her body, about anything, always disappeared in front of him. “Not with you.“ she added, letting out a little laugh.

Mark’s lips crushed down on hers, with increasing pressure, in the way they both have been wanting for the long time. He easily slid her coat down her shoulders before getting out of his leather jacket. His hands captured her face, as his tongue hungrily slid into her mouth, and a familiar tingle settled in the pit of her stomach.

Feeling her body already throbbing and head spinning, Lexie’s hands reached up, grabbed at him desperately, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt in a hurry, while Marks’s hands slipped down to grip onto her hips and tug the hem of her sweater.

When her sweater hit the floor, and then his shirt a few seconds after, his mouth trailed down from her lips, kissing his way down her jaw to the skin of her neck, sucking bruises there, her deep gasps and quiet murmurs of his name drawing him on. Her hands drifted from his chest to his hair, pulling him even closer.

Mark hoisted her up into his arms with such an ease, cupping her ass, her legs tightly hooking around his waist, their lips finding each other again in a desperate kiss. Reaching the bed, he laid her down, his fingers making the quick work on the button and the zipper of her jeans, and then sliding it down her legs along with her shoes.

Tossing her jeans over his shoulder, Mark gave himself a moment to just stare at her, laying down in front of him, with nothing but the black lace bra and panties, drinking in every inch of her skin.

Her lips that looked already swollen, her eyes that were focused on him, the way her legs parted a bit more as his hands reached the belt on his pants. For just a second, the almost identical sight of her, just a more than three years ago, the beautiful picture that will always be burned into his brain, flashed through his mind.

Mark was staring at her, hypnotized by her shy, but alluring smile, as he unbuckled his pants and shook them down his legs, along with his briefs, to the floor. After stepping out of the pile of clothes, he knelt on the bed, hovering over Lexie and capturing her lips once again, her arms settling around his neck and shoulders. The lace fabric of her bra brushed against his skin what made his muscles clench.

Her lips were soft and wet, firm of her arms around his shoulders was tight, her skin was warm, and he felt like he could lose his mind in overwhelming yearning for her taste, her scent, her touch.

But she was there again, in his arms, kissing him and holding him tight, and he was hot and hard against her body. Every cell of his body felt alive, electric…

Lexie gasped louder than ever before as the clasp of her bra popped and his hands were on her bare breasts, kneading them. Panting, she arched her back, as she felt his lips trailing small kisses between her breasts, over her abdomen, leaving a wet trace, and stopping when he reached the seam of her black lace panties. He hooked his fingers around its edges, intensively glancing up at her as he slowly pulled them down her legs, losing more and more control every incoming second.

He felt how her body shiver and tremble in anticipation as his fingers stroked over the creamy white skin of her thighs, getting dangerously close to the place she wanted them the most, but without actually getting there.

“God, I wanted you for so long...“ Mark spoke in a soft and hushed tone, crouching above her body once again. Before she could try to say something, even though she had no composed words in her mind, his lips were again on hers, claiming them, as he braced himself on one of his forearms, while his other hand caressed over her side.

Lexie was very aware of an unrestrained lust burning in his blue eyes and flaring all over his face, but when he pushed inside her, he did it with the greatest delicacy, slowly and tenderly, inch by inch.

He caught her squeezing her eyes and sucking in her breath, her fingers gripping at the sheets, as he gave her a few moments of stillness, savoring the warm and wet feeling of being inside of her again. Then he pulled back and thrust into her again, fast and fluid this time. In a quick motion, feeling how pleasure overtook every whit of discomfort, she clamped her legs around his waist, clutching him close.

Mark laughed breathlessly as Lexie cried out at the sensation, his hands settling firmly on her waist, as he started moving, steadily and slowly at first, sure strength in his hips as they pressed into her. It’s been so long. Too long without her, without _feeling of her._

They found their rhythm easily, and he tipped forward, resting his forehead against hers, already pumping in and out of her hard and fast and feral. They’d been apart for what had seemed like forever... he had no time left to waste.

He kissed her fiercely, his arms fondling her tiny body everywhere at once. Every single touch of hers against his felt like an electric shock, forcing his heart to pound, every pound coming faster than the last one.

Shivering and moaning, she pulled his face close when she came. Her lips pressed against his in a long, hot, demanding kiss. The warmth of her lips and body, and the whimper of his name that she gasped against his lips brought him over the edge as well not so long after.

...

Mark came back to himself what could be moments or minutes later, dimly aware that he was still completely pressing her body with his own, but he enjoyed the strokes of her fingertips on his skin too much. Light and gentle, petting the hair at the nape of his neck, fondling now relaxed muscles of his upper arms…

Falling on his side while softly kissing her shoulder, he whispered into her hair, “I could literally lay like this forever. With you.“

Lexie just let out a little chuckle, nuzzling in his embrace, as he put the covers over them.

Running his knuckles from her shoulder all the way down her back, in a gentle caress, Mark couldn’t keep himself from looking at her, sweaty and flushed and beautiful. And his.

Even between all fused feelings that were consuming him at that moment, he had to notice her eyes glossing with threatening tears, knowing that she must be overwhelmed as much as he was. Maybe even more.

“Hey, you're okay?“

Lexie mumbled a soft _mhmm_ into his neck, closing her eyes for a moment. She had been craving for his warmth, for his touch, his affection, for so long. She needed that moment of insurance. Slowly trailing her fingers over the skin of his chest, her breathing finally came back to normal. “I just really missed you.“ He caught a sight of a single tear rolling down his cheek. 

“I missed you too.“ Mark whispered, brushing his lips against her forehead. His thumb reached to wipe away a teardrop from her face. “So much...“

He leaned down to capture her lips in a slow, tender kiss, cupping her cheek, before sliding his fingers through her hair.

“Mark...“ she breathed out against his lips once they parted. She trailed off and paused for a moment, and then narrowing her eyebrows, laughed, “I have... no idea what I wanted to say.“

He grinned at her confused, but still adorable face, pushing one of her dark strands behind her ear.

“I'm... I’m not letting this go again. That would be the point.“ Lexie genuinely exclaimed, pulling herself in a sitting position and leaning against the headboard, her eyes not leaving Mark’s. “That's a promise. Because I learned my lesson. The hard way.“ Her voice cracked there, suddenly every lonely night invading her mind. She cleared her throat, searching for a way to stop her eyes filling with tears again. “And now I'm crying. I just had mind-blowing fantastic sex, and I'm crying. Partly because all the emotions are getting to me right now and partly because I didn't have any for like five months.“ she rambled in shaken state, letting it all out, but at the end her sobs turned into hysterical laughs. Admitting all of that, including what she already told him a couple of nights ago really exhausted her. It took everything she had. But it was worth it. Every second of it, every word, every confession. It didn’t even make her feel embarrassed or pathetic. To the contrary.

Settling against the headboard next to her, Mark pulled her closer. Letting her nuzzle against his shoulder and calming her down, he crocked his eyebrow at her awkward confession. “About _that..._ “ he smirked “...we're gonna make up for it. For all of it. And about every else, I never regretted anything with you. And I don't regret this.“

Like there was ever a doubt. Like he ever thought about choosing someone else to end up with besides her. How had he ever let her go? That never felt right. But he thought he was doing her a favor, giving her an easy way out. Shaking his head to make all of those painful, but distant memories go away, Mark lifted her face to look at her eyes. 

“And I don't want to just... _try_ this again, we are making it work. That's my promise. Okay?“ he assured her, his voice firm and striking, sensing her muscles relaxing a bit under his touch and by the effect of his words. “I don’t want us to talk about what we should or shouldn’t have done in the past... It’s in the past. From the past, we’re gonna bring out only good things. Good memories.“

“Well, that’s why we’re here, right?“ Her lips curved into a smile, as she kissed his chest. It really felt good being there. In that exact room where everything started. It felt right.

“Yeah, this place is definitely full of good memories.“ Mark affirmed, a cocky grimace forming on his face. “Remember the night after the face transplant surgery we did?“

“And the bathtub?“ she wondered in a low, purposefully seductive voice, as her skin started heating up again.

“And the bathtub.“ Mark grinned, the spark in his eyes growing brighter at what he was about to say. “You know what? I’m going to bring you here our for every anniversary.“

“For every what?“ Lexie laughed shortly, turning her head to glare at him, but his face didn’t give away any sign of joking.

“Anniversary.“ he repeated nonchalantly the moment after, not letting her pull away from his embrace.

“Okay...“ she chuckled, for some reason not getting the seriousness in his statement.

“I’m serious.“ Mark framed her face in between his hands, his palm stroking her skin gently, in the way that could literally melt her right in the spot. “We're going to get married and... we're going to have two or three kids.“

His eyes carefully examined her, trying to grasp her reaction to what he just promised, knowing he should be very sensitive and careful when it comes to that subject, especially when it comes to them. But the soft, genuine smile on her face haven’t disappeared. It hasn't turned into anger, or panic, or resentment, or surprise... In fact, he was the one who was surprised with what she replied to that.

“So Sofia can have siblings.“

Just the simple fact that she wanted that as well, that she wanted them to be a family, made Mark happier than he thought he could be.

“Yeah, a sister and two brothers.“ he continued, not even trying to control his delighted expression. “And we're going to be happy Lex, you and me. We're going to have the best life Lexie, you and me. We're going to be so happy... That's my promise.“

That was all it took.

The next moment, Lexie slipped her arms around his neck, crashing her lips on his, acknowledging, sharing and returning his promise. He nibbled on her lower lip, then deepened the kiss, smiling against her lips. It took her just a second to place her knees on either side of him, straddling his waist, and sitting down onto his lap. She can hear him breathing out her name like a prayer, wrapping his arms around her body, as she shifted her hips suggestively.

A smile tugged at his lips, as he managed to ask between the kisses. “Five months, huh?“

“Hey! Don’t mock me for that. It’s not like I didn’t have opportunities.“ she replied, frowning as she faked being offended.

Mark gulped hard at the question that suddenly occupied his brain. As much as he knew he had no right to ask that, especially adding the fact he just got out of a relationship with someone else, something deep within him needed to know. He had to know. “Nobody after Avery?“

“Nope.“ Lexie shook her head, what made him sigh with relief. “And by the way, Jackson and I are fine.“ she smiled, cupping his cheek. “Totally. I don’t want you to think that _this..._ is gonna ruin what you two had. Don’t worry... it’s not gonna be weird. I’m sure. We already had _the talk._ About you. And us.“

“Good. Come here now.” Smirking at his impatience and hurry, she met his warm lips once again and let herself surrender to the passion he always managed to stir up.

...

Mark was on the very edge of falling asleep, in a completely dark room, when he sensed a lack of warmth and figured Lexie was no longer snuggled up against him.

“Woahh, where do you think you're going?“ he hummed in a hoarse whisper, as Lexie sat on the bed and turned on a lamp on the nightstand.

“Get some water. I didn’t mean to wake you...“ she answered quietly, kind of apologetically, as she tried to slip out of the bed, but before she could do that he grabbed her around the waist.

“No way.“ he hissed, dragging her back down.

“Mark... Let me go.“ she giggled, trying to get up again. “Let go.“ Lexie pushed his hands away, wiggling out of his clasp. “Let me go... I’ll be right back.“

Mark raised his hands in the level of his shoulders what made her think he indeed gave up. “Damn right, you will.“

But then without warning, the moment she got out of the bed, he reached forward, quickly spanking her. Letting out a delighted yelp and gasping in surprise, she turned around just to see him grinning mischievously. 

“You know what that was for.“ Mark exclaimed, pointing at her. She laughed breathlessly, blowing him a kiss. Picking up his shirt and putting it on, his husky voice got her attention again. “Little Grey.“

“Hmm?“ 

“I really like your hair like that.“ he admitted softly, his voice almost inaudible, before he added smirking, “You’re banging bangs.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always happy to hear your thoughts... Btw, I'm posting the next chapter of Crossing the Lines as soon as possible.


End file.
